Well, it’s been another long pause between posts, despite my best intentions. The past few weeks, it’s been hard to concentrate on much of anything to be honest.
On August 1st, we marked one year since my beloved Cindy went home to be with the Lord. Just a short seven days earlier, on July 25, Kevin and I marked what would have been her 55th. birthday – the first without her here. To say that emotions have been stirred up would be the understatement of a lifetime.
On one hand, these milestones evoked sadness and grief, mixed with a flood of memories. Combined with the stresses of life and a new role at work, and my head has been spinning at times.
On the other hand, I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time, thanks to my wonderful girlfriend, Deborah. That happiness leads to another emotion… guilt. Do I have the right to be happy when it’s only been a year since Cindy had been gone? Should I still be wearing black and grieving? Is my happiness a sign of disrespect to my Cindy? All of these thoughts have been swirling through my mind.
After quite a bit of soul searching, I decided that life must go on. Cindy was nothing if not practical and loving. She would have been the first to say that “life must go on.” She wouldn’t want me to sit home in sackcloth and ashes. I really, in my heart-of-hearts, believe that she would be cheering me and Deborah on saying, “Love each other.”
Deborah and I do love each other and I plan on making my intentions very well known today. More on that later tonight or tomorrow.
We still have the hurdle of religion to face. We seem to be dealing fine with it, but her parents and some of our friends seem to have issues. My siblings has been great. Even thought they’ve never met Deborah they’ve been supportive of the relationship and have expressed a desire to meet her and get to know her. I sincerely thank them from the bottom of my heart.
Her parents and some of our friends have an issue with out relationship. The issue centers around the fact that Deborah is Catholic and I’m not. Several people have stated that I should be willing to convert, but I’m fine with my faith and my relationship with Christ just the way it is. I have no desire to convert, nor do I have any desire to have Deborah convert either. I love her just the way she is. I strongly believe that those, who wish for my conversion, need less religion and more Jesus, but that’s just my personal opinion.
Deborah and I have talked about things and worked things out. We love each other and are determined to make this work.
To my beloved Cindy, I love you and miss you every second of every day. I would give this world if I could hold you in my arms one more time. I long for the day when I meet you on that beautiful shore.
To Deborah, my love, when I met you, I was a heartbroken man. My world was in darkness and my heart was shattered in a million pieces on the floor. With tender loving care, you reached down and carefully picked up each piece and carefully put them back together. Whatever time I have left here on this Earth, I want to spend it with you.
To all of my friends and family, I thank you all for your wonderful love, care and support. I couldn’t make it with out you.
And, most of all, to my Father in Heaven, I thank you for loving me even when I’m not so lovable and for making provision that will allow me to see my departed loved ones again someday.