Everyone has mood swings sometimes, but, right now, mine are pretty darn epic. It’s amazing and fascinating to watch, but it’s not so much fun to endure.
Let’s take the last 24 hours as a good example.
It’s fairly safe to say that I am still quite angry with God for taking Cindy away. I still don’t know if he can’t hear me, if he’s powerless to help, or if he just doesn’t care. I’m not sure what the real answer is. Every night, I talk to God and tell him how much I need Cindy and that I need her back. Every morning, I wake up in bed alone. No Cindy and no answer from God as to why.
Last night, I was in a mood. I decided that I wouldn’t talk to God because it doesn’t appear to be doing any good. I decided that, instead, I would talk to my ceiling fan. So, I told my ceiling fan how much I needed Cindy and asked to have her back. This morning, I woke up alone with no answers. Still in a mood, my first thought was, “Well, talking to my ceiling fan has the same result as talking to God.” Talk about a mood.
Then, I started to ponder why God allows human beings to suffer. My mind drifted to the story of Job in the Bible. In the story, God allowed Satan to kill Job’s family and his servants, and later to inflict misery upon Job himself, just to prove that Job wouldn’t curse God. Did you ever stop to thing that Job’s kids might have had plans for the future? Perhaps they had hopes and dreams, but they were used as pawns for some heavenly “biggest dick” contest. Is that all we are, pawns?
You can see, I was in a pretty worked up mood this morning. Then the switch happened in the most unlikely of places… in the car.
I hate to drive. I always have and probably always will, but it is a necessity. This morning, I was driving to work and my mood suddenly shifted. I was laughing and dancing to the songs on the radio. I waved at people and just had a good ol’ time on my commute. I had not a care in the world. That’s the mood that I still have right now as I type this.
It just amazes me how the human mind works and it makes me wonder how much worse the mood swings would be if I wasn’t on mood stabilizing medication. Crazy, ain’t it?
Well, friends, I hope you have a great day and I’ll “talk” to you again soon.